Don't Stop Believin'
Reminiscing about Halloween, I'm attempting to recall the elementary school embarrassments that were my costumes. My mother -- part Wonder Woman, part seamstress -- designed a majority of these outfits. When her hand was involved, these whimsical concoctions were spun with enough glitter and sequins to put Liza Minnelli to shame.
1. Kindergarten: The tooth fairy. Not very creative on my parents' part: my father was a dentist. But what a damned proud bucktoothed tooth fairy I was.
2. Second Grade: Pocahontas. My ancestors sharpened their tomahawks for my scalping as I attempted to recreate Disney’s sham of an interpretation, complete with faux suede and plastic beads.
3. Fourth Grade: The California Raisin a.k.a. aspiring writer. I actually learned a little Marvin Gaye so I could twirl my gloved hands and spin for a treat. My garment was basically a garbage bag filled with wads of newspaper over purple tights. Mom always encouraged me to follow my heart. Who knew this costume would foreshadow my current ambitions?
4. Fifth Grade: The Statue of Liberty. The outfit was complete with green-gray face paint and torch made of quilted fabric. I don't know what possessed me to choose this symbol of liberty. Maybe it was my attempt of being patriotic in the face of Operation Desert Storm. No way was I going to let Saddam Hussein take away my ten-year-old freedom of playing Nintendo Super Mario Brothers.
5. College: Jackson Five member. A last minute idea of desperation complete with an afro wig and my own polyester threads. I think the aforementioned afro was lost during a keg stand.
6. 2005: Dynasty character, a little of both Alexis and Chrystal. My mother would be proud of this snazzy sequined number. I had enough mascara on to make Tammy Faye Baker blush. I mean, really blush, like underneath her three inches of wax. By the end of the night, I was Liza Minnelli channeling Judy Garland alcoholism. Note to those who know me: I have never done karaoke in my life...ever.
1. Kindergarten: The tooth fairy. Not very creative on my parents' part: my father was a dentist. But what a damned proud bucktoothed tooth fairy I was.
2. Second Grade: Pocahontas. My ancestors sharpened their tomahawks for my scalping as I attempted to recreate Disney’s sham of an interpretation, complete with faux suede and plastic beads.
3. Fourth Grade: The California Raisin a.k.a. aspiring writer. I actually learned a little Marvin Gaye so I could twirl my gloved hands and spin for a treat. My garment was basically a garbage bag filled with wads of newspaper over purple tights. Mom always encouraged me to follow my heart. Who knew this costume would foreshadow my current ambitions?
4. Fifth Grade: The Statue of Liberty. The outfit was complete with green-gray face paint and torch made of quilted fabric. I don't know what possessed me to choose this symbol of liberty. Maybe it was my attempt of being patriotic in the face of Operation Desert Storm. No way was I going to let Saddam Hussein take away my ten-year-old freedom of playing Nintendo Super Mario Brothers.
5. College: Jackson Five member. A last minute idea of desperation complete with an afro wig and my own polyester threads. I think the aforementioned afro was lost during a keg stand.
6. 2005: Dynasty character, a little of both Alexis and Chrystal. My mother would be proud of this snazzy sequined number. I had enough mascara on to make Tammy Faye Baker blush. I mean, really blush, like underneath her three inches of wax. By the end of the night, I was Liza Minnelli channeling Judy Garland alcoholism. Note to those who know me: I have never done karaoke in my life...ever.
posted by anarchic at 3:45 PM
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