The third circle of hell

Wal-Mart Shopping Tip #1: Take your iPod*. And never ever take the headset off--even if a five-year-old slams his cart into your heel. Because then I will only be able to see you beat your child for picking up a box of cereal as opposed to both the beating and the ear-bleeding shrieking across the store.

Wal-Mart Shopping Tip #2: Don’t shop at Wal-Mart.

*Please note that the iPod is incapable of blocking all ambient noise, especially when a fellow shopper squeals in excitement for Taco Bell taco seasoning, exclaiming, “Hey, Clarence, come down here! They’ve got Taco Bell! Now we’re cooking!”