Rough

Hi. My name is Toby and my mom asked me to write this because she is really busy with important meetings wherein a bunch of old, white men sit around a table and make organizational decisions and then do nothing about them. So she’s busy monkey dancing for them right now and doesn’t have time to pay attention to how cute I am or write to the Internet. She said it should be over in a week or so, but has temporarily delegated me as the author of this site.

So, that said, SAVE ME NOW! I mean, this is the life. I really like sleeping in a crate at night and only walking on a leash during designated times of the day and not being able to eat poop and sniff other dogs’ butts all day. I tried something new last week to get their attention, like using Guantanamo tactics of refusing to drink my water and only eating food out of uniquely designed plates in the living room on cushy rugs instead of my dog bowl in the kitchen. She called it an “episode” and did this to me.

Photos and design courtesy of Toombsday.

I am so demasculinized. I really enjoy smelling like earthworms and disposed diapers. Plus, it’s like 20 degrees outside. God help me, she even mentioned use of a “sweater.”

So, on behalf of writing restraint, I apologize for the erratic use of the Internet, but she promises to write again soon because she really loves you a lot and stuff. Just like she really loves me, and makes me dance for treats and then shaves my balls.