No relief in sight

john

Originally uploaded by Megatron

Preface: For those who came here to find existential proof of God or a critical perspective of culture, please return next week. This post will be an entire bitch fest about my eyes and why they are incredibly uncomfortable this week.

Near blindness is an inherent trait in my family. Until the age of eight, I didn’t realize that trees had individual leaves. They were gigantic blobs of shifting green. Same with grass. And street signs. And Mrs. Grace’s quadratic functions on the chalk board. At least I didn’t get my mom’s funky eye tic that goes awry, especially during heated debates about how to load a dishwasher or what skillet to buy.

A fellow myopic sufferer clued me in on a brand of contacts and a particular contact solution. The contact solution was wonderful. I didn’t have to rub them to get them clean anymore, which sometimes led to torn contacts. After a late night of drinking or studying, I would often question whether I placed the correct contact in its corresponding left-right container, if they made them to the container at all. Plus this new solution made bubbles! I may be over dramatizing. (Moi?) But whenever driving without vision enhancement is akin to giving a small child a pair of scissors on a Slip N Slide of baby oil, then you care about small conveniences such as my contact solution.

I finished my last bottle of solution in February. I added it to my grocery list. But when I went to the store, there was no solution in sight (per say). Strange. Oh well, I can squeeze by for a little while with the remaining ounces of former bottles. I checked the next week. Still no solution. This time I was searching with two other ladies who were saying, “Maybe they changed the box? I swear they had some here last time.” Crap, this has become a dire situation. I tricked Toombsday into thinking that some did exist, he just wasn’t looking closely enough. He came back to the house empty-handed.

This week, I became desperate. I hit four pharmacies and two grocery stores in one day. No luck. Then I saw the sign at CVS, “Due to a recent demand and a shortage in production, the makers temporarily discontinued this product…” Well, shizz. What’s a girl gotsa do to get clean eyeballs? I bought an imitator that also bubbles and makes the solution pink. But it also makes my eyes pink with irritation and kind of foggy--everyone looks like Joan Collins with soft lighting and Vaseline lenses.

I bought another solution from a reputable company. On my commute home last night, NPR announced that the company released a statement about fungal issues with its contact solution. They assured everyone that it’s okay, it’s easily cured and not that many cases have arisen…but it’s a fungus that could go in my eye and the last thing I want to do is end up in an abortion clinic.

So the saga of my search continues until either I find the Excalibur of contact solutions or production of my favorite solution continues. Until then, I am happy to take suggestions (or some shopping tips on where to find it…even if it involves passwords in dark hallways…I am not particular). Otherwise you might find me plucking out my eyes in some Greek tragic fashion.