a little ditty

Hi, Indiana Music. Can we talk? Seriously, please set aside your harmonica headset for one second so we can discuss your direction with music. I’m a bit confused…first, you’re just a honky tonk man tooling around with your accordion and glockenspiel, then you’re a disenfranchised southern man dwelling in your loss via blues guitar and slide. Then you ask me to wag my pointed finger in the air and somehow get groovy to this musical monstrosity like I’ve finally been set free from my restrained high school life of authoritarian Southern Baptist systems who forbid me getting footloose.

Please hear me out. You must release yourself from your preconceived notions of what Hoosier music is. How much rehashed John Mellencamp must we be forced to listen to? Or is it John Cougar Mellencamp now? I am not sure but all this Hoosier music is corny (pun intended). And I want my $5 back until either you straighten your act or at least attract decent bands to this area. Thank you for your attention, and please leave your suggestions at the door.

Originally uploaded by Briantology via source

God Shed His Grace On Thee

Since I can’t gather the time or the muse to wax poetical about horse races and bourbon, can I tell you how much I love (read: loathe) my work at the moment? I have every airport code in the nation memorized…unintentionally because I am not a flight attendant.

I’m working on the international list at the moment, but I’m restricted to those that operate on a regular schedule. That is unless you know of an airport in South Africa that requires mandatory anal cavity searches for drugs…because I would really like to send my boss there. During my travel research, I came across this information. Do you know what the actual name of Bangkok, Thailand is? Do you?

Well, duh. Bangkok is the City of Angels, Great City and Residence of the Emerald Buddha, Impregnable City of God Indra, Grand Capital of the World, Endowed with Nine Precious Gems, Abounding in Enormous Royal Palaces which Resemble the Heavenly Abode where Reigns the Reincarnated God, a City given by Indra and Built by Vishnukarm.

Since my muse is muddled in paper trails, I have taken this opportunity to read the Complete Bushisms* (collected by Jacob Weisberg on Slate magazine) and compiled a similar sobriquet for the grand U.S. of A. as stated by our fantastic president. (Because, for reals, when you don’t have anything to write about, why not ridicule the president. It’s easy enough nowadays.)

USA = Country of Repetitive Truths, Land of the Enchanted, the Great Competitive Nation of Catapulted Propaganda, Abounding in 250 Million Years of Coal, Ooching Along Hispanically with Compassionate Spirit, a Processed World that Encourages Consumption where Human Beings and Fish Coexist Peacefully and Built by Explorationists and Courageous Spacial Entrepreneurs.

Amen.

*I tried to include permanent links to all. If one isn’t included, rest assured that you can find it on the complete list.

Just exclaimed from the MA admissions meeting down the hall

Professor L: "How do you get a F in Aerobic Dancing?"

Professor D: "At least she has an A in Scuba."