A list of matronly things for a 26 year old to do in a week

1. Asked our graduate assistant to stop wearing perfume to work. This is an academic institution, not a meat market. The only thing you will attract here is more research and a bad case of scoliosis.
   
2. Asked the blonde stranger next to me to stop using her cell phone in the gym because “can’t you see the posted signs?” From twenty open machines, you happened to pick the elliptical next to the only person in the world who does not own a celly. For reals, I got a call from a co-worker on a cell in Mara National Park, Kenya. While he was watching wildebeests. Is this right?
   
3. Inadvertently walked into a drug deal just to ask a neighborhood resident to stop letting her dog poop in my yard. Seriously, you can sling all the crack you want in this hood, just keep your dog’s ringworms to itself.

And, finally, I should close this list with one example of “Reasons why you shouldn’t watch football with an English major.”

People pay beaucoup money for ad placements such as this one last night. You would think they could afford a copyeditor.

First one to notice the mistake and post it in the comments gets a free copy of T-Roy’s latest CD. T-Roy being someone in my neighborhood who thinks I would like gangsta rap.